Today, My Daddy has been in heaven for three years.
I miss him
every single day.
In “The Sun Will Rise” post, I said I would tell you about an answered prayer I received.
Before I
do, I want to say, I don’t normally script, plan, edit or rewrite when I blog.
This post
is the exception.
I have been
working on this one all week.
Here goes…
Daddy has
always had a heart condition.
When he was
younger, he led a rough life.
His motto “I’ve
been dying since the day I was born.”
In his
older years, he did his best to slow down and take better care of himself.
I would
like to think, becoming a PaPa had something to do with it.
Truthfully,
it was his health.
I watched
him struggle with things he had never struggled with before.
Things he
could no longer do.
Things he
had never feared.
He gave up
things he absolutely would not have given up before.
I saw My
Daddy change into a man that was not the man who raised me.
This was a
blessed change!
He was My
Big Boy’s father figure.
I honestly
don’t know where either of us would be right now without My Daddy’s support,
protection and love.
He has
always been there when we needed him.
Daddy was
always the first person I called for advice.
He was my
biggest fan.
He never
judged my mistakes as failure.
He called
them “life’s lessons”.
So many
times I would say “Daddy, I will never be able to repay you.”
His
response, “It will come full circle.”
Along about
April 2010, “full circle” began.
Daddy’s
health started failing further.
We were
spending more time visiting doctors, than we were visiting family and friends.
Daddy and I
have always been able to talk without speaking a single word.
It is a
gift we both worked to hone for years.
I thank God
everyday for that gift and the ability to strengthen it.
August 13,
2010, I received a call. “Your dad has fallen!”
I grabbed
my purse, ran out of my office and drove to his house, all within 15 minutes.
My daily drive to work is 25 minutes.
I knew in my
gut, this was not going to be a good ride.
I walked in
the door.
Drewman was
with his PaPa.
The fear in
that child’s eyes said it all!
Drewman had
spent a lot of time, that summer, with Daddy.
He watched
after him, providing me peace of mind, without Daddy knowing.
Drewman was
only 14.
PaPa
thought he was teaching Drewman things.
He was!
It is a
summer we will never forget.
Daddy did
his job as being Drewman’s father figure, too.
After
assessing My Daddy, I knew I couldn’t make it to the big town hospital in time.
I opted to
drive him to our home town hospital, where I knew they would transport him.
My gut was
right!
Daddy was
transported to Mercy ICU Trauma Unit.
That night,
I spent standing next to My Daddy’s bed praying like I had never prayed before.
It was the
first time, in my life, to have a sleepless night.
The next
day, our family arrived at the hospital.
My sissy
convinced me to go to a hotel and rest.
I was awoken,
sometime in the night, with a message telling me “Go see your Daddy!”
I left the
hotel and arrived at Daddy’s ICU room with him setting up waiting on me.
He seemed
to think I had taken too long to get there…
He looked
at me, saying “Took you long enough.”
My
response, “I was sleeping.”
Daddy and I
talked for a few hours.
He was extremely
scared and weak.
My Daddy
was a cowboy.
He wasn’t
one to show or talk of his feelings or fears.
Daddy
shared with me how he needed my help.
This was
the first time My Daddy had ever asked me for anything.
I was the
one that always asked for things.
He always
provided whatever I asked.
Cowboys
talk in ways that only other cowboys or cowgirls can understand.
I am
thankful to have been raised a cowgirl.
Daddy asked
me to get on the horse with him and ride double.
With me
taking the reins and him just setting in the saddle.
I told
Daddy “I don’t like horses. I’m not sure
I can do that.”
I was
raised a COWgirl.
Daddy
explained HE NEEDED ME TOO!
I told him
I would, but needed to know how long I was going to have to ride?
Daddy said,
“Till the end.”
When My
Daddy spoke those words, I knew My Daddy was dying!
Cowboys are
strong, rough, tough and mean on the outside.
On the
inside, they are kind, caring, compassionate and loving.
They dig
their spurs in deep to make a ride.
They don’t
let go of the reins.
AND
They keep
their feelings packed away in their saddle bags.
My Daddy
spent the better part of the next 3 months in the hospital.
I spent the
better part of the next 3 months by his side.
Each time
My Daddy would have a procedure or a test done, prior to him going into it,
I would realize I had his boots and spurs on.
I would realize I had his boots and spurs on.
I would
give them back to him by asking
“Daddy, do
you have your boots and spurs on?”
His
response was always, “Yes”.
Daddy and I
passed those boots and spurs back and forth until the morning he went into his
last surgery!
It was a
Sunday morning, October 24th.
Daddy was
headed into what he and I knew was his last procedure.
Our entire
family was there.
As I kissed
My Daddy good bye, I asked him if he had his boots and spurs on and if they
were strapped tight.
He lied and
said “Yes”.
I knew I
had them on and we were coming to the end of our ride together.
I looked at
Daddy and said “Then you’re ready!”
He looked
back, responding “No, you’re ready.”
You see,
that first sleepless night in the ICU Trauma Unit,
I prayed for God to grant me more time with My Daddy.
I prayed for God to grant me more time with My Daddy.
I wasn’t
ready to let him go.
My kids
weren’t ready.
I prayed
for time to prepare.
I prayed
for time to prepare my kids.
My Daddy
came out of surgery, that day.
That night,
I had another sleepless night.
I never
once left My Daddy's side.
Daddy never
woke up from that surgery.
I had made
My Daddy a promise to not leave him on life support for more than 24 hours
after that surgery.
The time
had come for me to call in our family.
I gathered
them all and told them the story of Daddy asking me to ride double.
We were at
the end of the ride.
With my
family by my side, on October 25, 2010 at 4:36pm, I stepped off the horse and
handed God the reins!
Sticking to
the motto from which I have raised my boys;
I stayed
true to myself
Kept God in
my heart
My family
by my side
and
Everything
was okay
It was at
this point I recognized prayers are answered and I found my faith.
Some of you
have heard this story.
Thanks for
being there for me, listening and reading.
Signed,
Daddy’s Rancher
Girl
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